When all of the steri-strips and dead skin came off the incision site, I got my first real good look at the scar. It reminded me of that period in elementary school where it seemed like every boy was asking each other “hey, wanna see my scar?” That was pretty much all you heard on the playground, in class, in the hallways, and on the way to and from school. It was that period with boys where scars were cool, and you had to have one. The cooler the scar, the better. In fact, coolness wasn’t necessarily who had the biggest scar or the nastiest scar, but it had to be unique. It had to have a story. Let me tell you, our scars have stories. We’d have been uber-cool 
In fact, we’d have ruled the tan-bark.
I’ve had a few people want to see it, but I’ve begged off by telling them that it’s too much effort to undo the 6 straps on my boot, take off the tubigrip, give them their 10 second look, put the tubigrip back on, reset my leg in the boot, and redo the 6 velcro straps. I sometimes wonder at their motivation and the source of their curiosity.
Progress note - I’m scheduled to be full weight bearing in the boot today assuming my PT agrees. They’ve had me on a conservative recovery because of the muscle incisions to relax the tendon. So far, ROM is near normal. Her comment to me was that the brutal part - reestablishing ROM - has been fairly uneventful from her point of view and that the easy part of strength rebuilding should go smooth. She also told me that when the boot first comes off and I start re-learning how to walk normally, she might have me use two crutches for a little while so I don’t relearn walking with a limp. Sounds reasonable. At least it’s not using crutches just to achieve mobility.
Back to the scar thing. It really points to a discussion that’s occurred on a couple of blogs now about how people who haven’t dealt with serious injuries have a hard time conceiving what we’re going through. I saw a show on cable the other day called “30 Days” where the film maker (the same one who did ‘Supersize Me’) gets people to assume contrarian roles for 30 days. The one I saw had pro-bowl cornerback Ray Crockett use a wheelchair for 30 days. It was amazing and a little gratifying to see the same mental stages we’re going through play out. It was also cool to hear other people with apparent permanent physical limitations adapt and overcome. I think that’s the part we’ll always have some trouble with. We know our time on the crutches, in the wheelchair, etc. will eventually end. So, there’s a built in mental relief and goal. I know that I clung to that like a drowning man in the middle of the ocean. Many of our friends who haven’t been seriously injured (and all of us pray to some higher power that they won’t have to experience it because they’re our friends and relatives) don’t have the frame of reference to understand. Personally, I’m ok with that because this has given me the patience and understanding to let them ask their questions and give me their platitudes. I know that if there’s ever a time when I need people who do know, who can understand, and who have the shared experience, I can come here and hang with my blog buddies in the ATR Nation.
Thanks for that. Stay strong.
Mike
PS - at some point, I’ll get a scar picture up for everyone 
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June 18th, 2008 at 8:43 am - Edit
Yeah, I hear you, Mike. Everyday there always seems to be more noticable light at the end of the tunnel. Though I have been two shoeing it since the weekend, today was the first day I came to work with the two. People have noticed and have been really supportive too. I’m actually the one asking if they want to see my scar…..it’s alot easier to show it now. Anyway, nice post and keep up the good work.
June 18th, 2008 at 9:10 am - Edit
mlouie,
It IS hard to translate what we’re going through. I find it most difficult to explain to my non-athletic friends. Once I was off crutches, they figured that the frustration was over. How do you explain to people that generally avoid sweating how not being able to jog is giving you a borderline-identity crisis? My ability to jump up and say yes to any kind of pick-up game is central to my personality. Having to plan every move is a real adjustment. But I tell you, I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process. A little bit of planning goes a long way, and I hope I can hold on to the organization I’ve established the last 2 months, even when my body is capable of picking up my slack when it heals. Great post, Mike. Sounds like you’re livin’ large and will be lovin’ the FWB to come!
June 18th, 2008 at 10:23 am - Edit
Mike, what do you mean when we were kids it was cool to talk about and show off our scars? I think it’s cool now!
Good luck on the transition to FWB. Not sure if your PT is planning on slowly transitioning from two crutches, to one crutch, and finally to no crutches, but I found it much more difficult to walk with one crutch than no crutches. Once you are able to put most of your weight on your repaired leg, I recommend ditching the single crutch ASAP.
June 18th, 2008 at 4:03 pm - Edit
Good to hear from you. All in all, this is a horrible experience that I would not wish on anyone, but I have learned alot, particularly to be patient and accepting. Good luck with fwb— you will enjoy your new freedom.
June 18th, 2008 at 4:58 pm - Edit
Mike-Well, my wound looks grosser than your scar. HA! So, I win a beer on that one.
I have everyone beat. Funny, when I put my pics out there I guess it’s was also in that mentality…wanna see my wound??!?!?!!? I watched the 30 Days episode. I wanted my hubby to watch it but he didn’t get around to it. I recall in the beginning of the show the Dr. was saying that people will talk to the person pushing the wheelchair, but will think that the person in the chair is deaf, dumb and/or stupid. And, Dr. said…get used to looking at everyone’s belt buckle. Out of everything all of us have learned, the biggest lesson was empathy and a greater sense of humility for those permanently handicapped. We know how hard the everyday things are. It’s about being grateful and thankful of the functioning 1 leg and 2 arms and the temporary-ness of our injury. That show was great.
Have fun and be careful in your FWB chapter!
June 20th, 2008 at 10:14 pm - Edit
When the first cast came off this past Thursday, I had my friend who drove me to the doctor’s office take a quick cell phone pic of the wound. It looks like something out of Frankenstein. She got the pic before the staples came out which adds it’s own flavor to the image.
I agree on appreciating and having more patience now. I know I too have seen people use those scooters in the store that look like they just needed to exercise or lose a little weight and they’d be able to walk - but now I figure that’s what people think when they see me on it - until (or maybe even after) they see the cast. I am a bit over-weight but was playing in a tennis tournament when this happened. So I find myself being more careful about my judgments - I just don’t know the rest of the story. And yes, when I feel limited or frustrated with my situation - I do think about people who don’t have working arms or hands and work to find a way to do what I need done. I’ve even build small ramps from card board to help my rolling chair make the change from the kitchen up to the hallway and the dining room (2 entrances to the kitchen).
I never dreamed when the injury happened it would require surgery (thought it was a twisted ankle and/or pulled calf muscle), let alone such a long recovery period. But several of my friends are saying I’ll make a great “old” lady since I’ve learned some handy ways to adapt the life with the limitations I have (installed my bicycle basket on front of walker, use a rolling office chair to move around the house, keep changes of clothing in bathroom to allow me to freshen up when I feel like it (either morning or night, but when I am in the bathroom, rather than having to make the extra trip back/forth to pick things up, switching from a purse to a small backpack, the ramps, etc).
July 16th, 2008 at 9:19 pm - Edit
Just tell them: when Brad Pitt played Achilles in the film TROY, he ruptured his Achiles Tendon!
THAT will send them off to the Internet to find out about poor Pitt, and in the process, understand what is happening to you!
I find that I have a certain insight into my mother’s decades of snapping at us about making any extra work of any kind, since she had various feet problems all her life. They were bunions and callouses which never seemed to heal properly, and no doctor could exactly diagnose the internal trouble. So it’s clear to me now how she must have always been anticpating exactly what she would NOT have to do if she got us five kids to NOT mess things up!!!!