10
April
2012

Miserable.11

I’m writing this post with tears in my eyes; I’m so unbelievably frustrated, I could scream. Today has been the countdown date for me since my surgery…the day when I would be able to move from a cast to a walking boot, shower normally without a chair and be able to actually get my leg wet, start putting partial weight on my foot, finally be able to ditch the crutches for good, etc, etc.

I went into the doctor’s today SO hopeful, but found out one my my incisions had some leakage, and though it wasn’t serious, he wanted to keep an eye on it before adding any weight. So though I have the boot and have ditched the cast, It still is just as immobilizing and claustrophobic as my cast because I’ve been given strict instructions to never take it off.  I have to meet with him again on Friday, which will determine whether or not I can start showering normally and stuff, but I’m assuming I’m going to be sleeping with it and still using the crutches for a while.

I cried the entire way home and I still am, I know Friday is right around the corner but it’s that weight of the unknown that’s making me really upset. Who knows if I’ll be ready by Friday…he may tell me I need another two weeks, which mentally I’m not sure I can do.  This was supposed to be a new day, I was planning on coming right home and showering with two legs and planning on sleeping tonight without the uncomfortable restriction. Now who knows when I’ll be able to do that.  I know it’s not a permanent thing and it’s just going to take time, but at 24 I’m looking forward to recovering so I can get back to being active, and it seems as though the light at the end of the tunnel is extremley far away at this point.

Also,  can’t start PT for another 3 weeks, which I guess is normal but I thought for some reason it’d be sooner.  Overall, today has sucked.