It’s the regret that’s still eating me…
Uncategorized December 9th, 200912/9/09
Why me? Why now!?!?
I thought I was “somewhat” fit given that I had only stairs in my workplace and was leading a “moderate” physical lifestyle where I was hitting the gym at least once a week. That night I was one of the first ones at the gym with the guys and didn’t even pick up a basket ball and mess around as a warm up. Instead I was doing man-makers (mind you at 3/4 pace to start) and limbered up quickly. Three games in and doing quite well as my team had won for the first three game of the night (we were playing king’s court) we finally lost and I was on the sidelines watching the next teams play. Trying to stay warm and did a few stretches until our turn came up again. I had a couple of other things that wouldn’t have put me in that situation but little did I know that the first “check ball” I performed would be my last.
All I could remember til this day was the “POP” and the impact on my heel that I had hoped was just a practical joke. In all the joke was on me and I had called a friend who was an AT to confirm my worst fear. I was only two months into my new job and had a 2 month old girl at home. This would not be news that my wife needed to hear after I was just recovering from a knee injury from rugby, which after my high school basketball career had become my main sport.
After confirmation of my injury and coming to the realization that I needed surgery, I came under that deep sense of regret that still lingers to this very day. The injury was November 6, 2009, my surgery was a week later luckily and I am going to get my 2nd cast removed tomorrow and will hopefully be in a “Space boot” without crutches, we’ll see.
I am hopeful that because it was a partial tear, (as I could still move my toes) that this recovery process will be quicker than most which remains to be seen. Though needless to say all of the other arrangements with work and figuring out benefits has also compounded the ordeal.
If there is actually anything that will be the most difficult for me to recover from, it will continue to be my overlying feelings of regret.
12/11/09
Best Christmas present this year
So thanks for your comments from the previous post really helpful and great perspective even though that will always be in the back of my mind. Anyhow, today I got my last post-op cast put on, though I hoped to be back in the boot. The bright side is that it comes off on Christmas!! (Maybe I’ll put a bow on it!) Then, later tonight it was my staff dinner party at a nice restaurant that my co-workers on our social committee put on. They went the extra mile and paid for my dinner! If there was any more upside to this injury (aside from more time with family) it was that, thanks folks!
I can’t wait get rid of the crutches seriously, it snowing now and a wipe out to ring in the new year is all I need. For real though I can’t wait to get the rehab going. Ya know, we may have to go through all this life changing bummer stuff, but at least we’re not Tiger… (C’mon Tiger fans have a sense of humour)
December 10th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
You can’t waste energy on regret- you need it all for healing. My injury was November 3, just a few days before yours. I’m 49 years old, and I guess maybe I had absolutely no business riding a carving scooter at my age! But at least I went down fighting, trying to get healthy. Yes, the timing was awful, with your new job and new baby, but ultimately your baby will have a dad who is healthy and active. Get better every day.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
Hey Mary thanks for that. I just get that feeling anytime I have my difficulties hopping around the house or staring at something I can’t reach. Although its nice to be waited on by my wife its not my style, never mind when the time comes that she needs to be waited on. Though I do try to be as independent as possible.I dunno I’ll probably dwell on it for the next year until I’m back to full fitness. Thanks again, you get better too.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Well at least you get to spend time with your new baby….quality time to nap together on the couch?
December 10th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Give yourself a break! If you read enough of the stories here, you’ll start to see a pattern: we all tend toward Type-A personality, independent, competitive. I am really starting to think that there is an ATR profile that separates us from everyone else. As you read, you’ll notice that many of us learn some life lessons from this injury. Many of us start off saying that we will heal in record time (there’s that competitiveness). After a while, most of us realize that this is an injury that has its own (protracted) time frame. We learn that it is OK to be dependent on others for a while. So, hang in there and think seriously about what 2ndtimer said.
December 11th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Hey another 11/06 injury date. Hang in there dude. It gets better everyday. I go back on the 16th to hopefully get “Das Boot” after a complete AT tear will be 27 days post op then. All I can say is do not over do it. Pay attention to the swelling and let that tell you when and how much you can do.
We all have regrets. Just push through them. I regret doing this, knowing we had a family Disney trip on 12/17… I had to break down and rent an electric wheelchair for the week so I could keep up with my boys (7 and 11).
Yes I plan on taking my wife on a long vacation as soon as I am healed for all the hell she has put up with through my recovery. I am a bad patient.
Hang in there…
December 11th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
It’s done. You cannot do anything about the fact you got injured.
However you can heal and you will.
Take your time, cuddle with that baby on the couch and don’t regret anything.
Man, I’m a 4 time half marathoner (fast walker) and even though my injury was not due to a rupture (I had to have a lot of bone removed and they found damage to the achilles)
and I would not have done anything different at all.
December 12th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Ultidad,
You are so right about our personalities. Though I would not consider myself to be a type A, I am definitely independent and competitive. Always have to give it that old college try, and no I don’t need any help. Almost brought me to tears that I was so dependent on my partner the first few weeks after the injury. If it wasn’t for that fact that I’m also a stubborn old stoic, I would have gone nuts during recovery.
December 12th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Regrets? About what? Being alive? I totally ruptured mine and in hindsight should have seen it coming because my left calf and tendon had felt really tight for about a week before that. If I had gone cycling instead of running I wouldn’t have ruptured it, that day. But if I had cycled that day I would have run the next and probably would have ruptured it then. Sometimes sh!t just happens.