Ridicule of the Disabled: Feedback Wanted
07/20/2011 by Tamal
Since my ATR, I have been blown away by insensitive some people can be. My coworkers call me everything for "Gimpy" to Hop-Along." I hear at least one joke every day. Someone even hid my crutches when I was late for an important appointment. It seems like people think it’s "funny because" I’m not permanently disabled. Would they make light of someone who was permanently on crutches? Doubt it. Permanent or not, it’s still not easy to do a lot of things. If I forget something in another room, it’s such a hassle to go back and get it. Then these are the same people who turn around and ask "How’s the leg?" Ummm, like you actually care?? I think this post will go into the "emotional rants" category, because I can see that since I am finally sharing these incidents how much it pisses me off. I’d love to hear how/if others are dealing with this.
I was expected to get “right back out there.” One contractor I represent said, “Are you still milking that leg?” I was only two weeks into recovery! Three things are certian in life, death, taxes and karma!
What comes around definitely goes around….
Hi tkd108, Many people don’t ‘get it’. I had 3 months of an AirCast splint before the surgery,
(and 3 months of not being able to walk before the splint ). It depends on the heart of the comment/person. One person said to me ‘have you been shopping’ when I first got the AirCast, it caught me off guard and really made me laugh. Someobdy else said on the same day ‘everytime I see you, you have more stuff’ which didn’t feel good and left me annoyed.
Before the op I was grieving for what I was not able to do. Sat there many a time seething. I do recognise anger is part of the grieving process.
In the end I try and think, most people do not mean harm. Its just that most people have absolutely NO idea of what you are going through. Hardly anybody really understands what an achilles injury is. Ignorance is bliss. Having said that, the comments are unacceptable so you may need to speak to somebody in authority.
Think I need to clarify, the comments came from various areas of my life.
We will recover and not forget how it feels to have an injury.
I think it comes down to the fact people think they need to say something, then do not know what to say, so then try to use humour.
With regards using humour to people who are permanently disabled … yes they do. They do it to my wife who is in a wheelchair (”wow, look at you go in that chair … look out, its Ayrton Senna” etc) and they’ve done it with another friend who really struggles but carries on walking at a crawling pace with a zimmer frame (”do you want some go faster stripes for that!”).
Deep down it is incredibly insensitive what they are saying, but it is also human nature to feel like they have to say something.
What you have now is 2 choices.
You can let it fester and annoy you and become very bitter about it. It will get you more annoyed and this will spill over into normal life and thats not a good thing.
The other option is, like my wife and friend, you just ignore it or make light of it or even insult them back.
Better still, borrow a wheelchair and accidentally bump into them. I suggest using the foot plate right around the achilles area
Stay positive and best of luck with the recovery!
I have not experience anything related that I have payed enough attention to remember it. I do want to say that unless you have had an ATR you do not know the impact this injury has in a person’s live, some people asked me why I was still limping after two months? or If I was ready to play for their team again at only two months.
Oh, yes. I’ve heard both “Gimpy” and “Hop-Along”. It’s true that most people don’t understand the severity of the injury, or that dealing with the injury goes home with you and is always there - not just for the 2 minutes they see you hobbling around to get some water at the office and take the opportunity to crack a joke. It sounds like you are in a fairly laid back work environment if they think hiding your crutches is acceptable - at my corporate job that would end them up in a sit down with HR if it made me late to a meeting.
My encounters with jokes are really few and far between compared to the kindness most people show - usually strangers. I’m a very independent person, so it almost annoys me more when people want to help with things that I am perfectly capable (though slower) of doing - such as opening a door and waiting for me to go through when I’m still crutching towards it 20 ft away.
The great takeaway (for me at least) is that having gone through an extended period of being down and out, it will be easier for me to understand other people in similar situations - even if its a friend who I’m used to swapping practical jokes with!
Jeff-
I really appreciate this.
“My encounters with jokes are really few and far between compared to the kindness most people show - usually strangers. I’m a very independent person, so it almost annoys me more when people want to help with things that I am perfectly capable (though slower) of doing - such as opening a door and waiting for me to go through when I’m still crutching towards it 20 ft away.”
Strangers have been “nicer” than my coworkers. It’s funny when strangers hold the door open and I’m half way down the street; I feel obligated to double-time it to the door so they don’t have to wait. It’s awkward. But I do appreciate the fact that people CAN be nice. And that makes me want to be nice to others in turn.
bcurr–
The fact that someone compared your wife to a F1 race car driver is just plain stupid. People can be so ignorant. But like you said–they feel like they HAVE to say something. But your right–I have a choice in how I deal with it. I’ve brushed it off a lot and I’ve also given some of my own snappy comebacks such as “Keep it up and you might be joining me on crutches.”
Ali–
Thanks for sharing some of the ups and downs you have been dealing with. I appreciate your openness.
Thanks friends across the pond!
Thanks everyone for the feedback. It has been very helpful.
Yeah I had to try and separate how I felt from any comments, and I was feeling #@*#!! Like Jeff, I have also encountered amazing kindness.
Through TWO ATR recoveries, I think I encountered no tasteless or hurtful comments, though many people were surprised that I wasn’t 100% sooner. Interestingly, since I’ve been recovering from a heart-valve replacement (and the two rehabs take roughly the same amount of time), most of my business associates have reacted the opposite way, surprised that I’ve come along so far so quickly. I guess because ATRs are “minor” and open-heart surgery is “major”, the ATR folks don’t get any respect.
Mind you, my wife became impatient with the details of my cardio-rehab progress just about as fast as she became impatient with the details of my ATR-rehab progress!
TKD, I think you’re 100% right that people make light/jokes about your situtation because they know you’re just VISITING the land of the disabled. They may well be jerks, but that can also give you an opportunity to look on your own bright side rather than getting &|$$ed at their jerkiness. . .