Up and down…

Disclaimer: For me, starting to blog on this site is partly to share with others who know the ATR struggle.  It is also a way for me to “journal” my path to recovery; not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  This post is the latter :)

This injury has definitely put me on an emotional roller coaster. I have my good days and bad days. Days when I feel like (almost!) springing out of bed and starting my day with enthusiasm and a positive attitude, and am ready to accomplish some tasks!  Then there are the days when I wish I could stay in bed all day, crying and binge watching Netflix. And there are also the days that are mixed with emotions.

Seriously though, I’m doing my best to keep a positive mindset. I am typically “that type” of person anyhow. My life is usually on-the-go all the time and I love it, I view it as full and abundant (even if sometimes it’s tiring).  Now I feel like I’m at a standstill and missing out on so much, especially with my boys who are 8 (will be 9 in five weeks) and 5.  They somewhat understand the extent of my injury.  They surely got a kick out of looking at the pictures of my staples and the incision after removal.  And of course they try to play with my crutches and knee scooter any chance they can get!

I’m very fortunate that my husband has such a flexible job, and was already working from home two days a week.  Now he’s working from home four days a week, doing school runs,  all the errands, and most of the housework.  I’m a full-time mom/”homemaker” and do part-time event planning from home.  We had a really great division of labor, and he hasn’t complained about having to take on what I can’t do right now, but….well,  he’s a a trooper, and though he won’t say it, I know it’s exhausting for him.  I am so grateful, and let him know that as much as I can.

Anyhow, it’s a struggle not be able to do what I need and want to do when I need and want to do it.  Being forced to slow WAY down has been tough.  I’ve always been someone who takes on a lot, often “busy”, schedule full, and I thrive on that.  Now I feel like my livelihood is being sucked out of me.  There are tasks I can do for my event planning (though I won’t be able to have another event until after the new year) and volunteering from home, but it’s not the same as getting out of the house and being hands-on.

I miss driving, taking my kids to school and picking them up, seeing all of the kids, volunteering at school, getting a coffee a few mornings a week, going to the library, going to yoga class, doing my home workouts, grocery shopping and other errands, taking my kids to the park to play and ride bikes, exploring the tide pools with them, going on a hike with my family, taking my son to baseball practice, going to the zoo,  getting my hands dirty with yard work.

I know it’ll all be there waiting for me, and I’ll be able to get back to things bit by bit throughout my recovery.  And I do my best to remind myself that even a year is a short amount of time compared to the life behind me and ahead of me.  I do my best to keep perspective on this injury, it’s not life-threatening and I’m going to be okay in the end.  I do my best to be grateful for everything and everyone around me, the comforts that I have and the lack of worry in my life.  This too shall pass, and I hope I’ll be a stronger and an even more mindful person after this experience.

2 Responses to “Up and down…”

  1. Heck - you’re in San Diego too Tima?? So am I! Mira Mesa You’re getting close to when you can start helping out around the house! Just hang in there. But remember, once you can start helping around the house you still need to listen to your foot. It will let you know when you are starting to overdue it and you need to stop right then and lay or sit and/or elevate and/or ice (or switch back to heel lifts) or whatever the rest mode is.

  2. Tima, I’m right there with you! Your post is exactly me almost. I’m a pretty positive person but these last few weeks have been some of the most difficult ever. I know in the grand scheme of things this is just a blip on the radar and I am so lucky/blessed to have a wonderful husband, life and great health. But I miss all those things you said too. Who would have thought I’d miss grocery shopping? The time is just crawling by for me…one…day…at …a…time. Arrrggghhh!

    And my husband has been an absolute trooper. He has picked up so much slack in our lives. His once relaxing weekends are now just crammed with errands, chores and the what not that I use to do. He’s exhausted, but I’m so grateful.

    Cserpent is right too. Listen to your foot and don’t push it. Sometimes I just have to stop what I’m doing and prop it up for a bit. I think you’re only like a week behind me so hang in there. We can do this!

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