Am I the only one that has fear?
Uncategorized June 9th, 2009I read all of your blogs and I’m so impressed with your confidence. I am having a very hard time with this whole thing, emotionally. Today was by first post-op visit. My Ortho is the absolute best, I really like him and trust him. My scar looks amazing, no stitches to remove. All is on track, I’m still in a splint, but I’m supposed to take it off once a day and just slightly flex my foot. Other than that I have the splint on non-stop. The splint is basically a solid cast everywhere except the front of my leg (shin area), and it is tightly wrapped with an ace-like bandage. I find myself sitting here, staring at my wrapped leg and scared to take it off. Afraid to flex my foot. I’m SO afraid to do damage. Am I the only one? I read about how everyone else can’t wait to move to the next step, and don’t get me wrong, I want to recover, but each step scares the crap out of me. I can’t even imagine how I’ll be when PT starts. I am just so afraid of doing damage. I’m supposed to move to a boot in two weeks with PWB. I also start PT in two weeks. Please tell me PT starts slow.
I would love to hear from anyone who is either feeling the same right now, and/or felt this way at one time and is now nearly healed and can look back and realize the worry was for nothing. Can anyone relate? I’m sorry to be such a baby.
Also, I can’t believe how much muscle atrophied in two weeks time. My leg was so weak when he first unwrapped it that it was shaking. Has anyone experienced that? I think it was so used to being in the cast that it got scared. (um yes, I did just give my leg it’s own brain…lol…the truth it I was scared, so maybe that’s why it was shaking?) I don’t know. I just have SO many questions and I think people are getting sick of me talking about this. I’m just so scared.
Thanks for listening. I know we’re all in this same crappy boat.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Swill-
I was EXACTLY like you! I got the boot 2 weeks post op and was told I could take it off to shower. I still waited 4 more days, and the first time I took it off, I literally got nauseous just looking at my poor little shriveled up leg! I have taken it super easy on my recovery. I was allowed PWB to FWB at my own pace starting at 4 weeks. As much as I wanted to get rid of the crutches, I ended up staying on them until my 7th week. I finally just put them away and started walking. The very next week, I was walking in two shoes. Don’t worry about taking it slow, just do what’s comfortable to you right now. I literally woke up one day and things were different (about 6 weeks post op). Give yourself time to process all of this. This is a serious injury- and a life altering experience, but you will recover! It has really changed the way I look at a lot of things in life.
June 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Motogirl - THANK YOU SO MUCH! It’s good to know that I’m not alone. The anguish is awful. I ended up doing my flexes last night and this morning, so I’m proud of myself. And after a lot of prayer last night I woke up a little more optimistic. Are you in PT right now? How’s it going? Great to hear you’re in 2 shoes. I can’t even imagine. NICE!
Thanks again for responding. It helps a lot.
June 11th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Swill-
PT is my favorite! I was so glad to go. For me, I was so scared to really move my foot/ankle on my own, not because I was afraid of the pain, but I was afraid of re-injuring it. I really looked forward to starting PT because they “moved” my foot for me and I learned just how far they would push it and how it would feel. It didn’t hurt, and I haven’t been really sore except once (check my “inner voice” entry for the story). I now have a lot more confidence in my leg although I am still what I consider overly cautious. I still put on my boot when I’m out in the yard doing yardwork or cleaning up, but other than that, I’m in two shoes. I am having to train myself to slow down and walk properly because I have adapted to walking (rather quickly) without moving my ankle. I will be on the stretch only therapy for 1 more week, then another DR’s appt and I should start strength therapy for a few weeks after that. My DR had predicted that I would be walking without a limp by July 4th, (injured March 27th, surgery Apr 7th) so I’m working hard toward that goal.
June 11th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I think we all have some fear(s) and at different stages. The important thing is to give your body time to heal and recover, both from the surgery as well as from whatever you do to help it get better like streching, ROM, PT etc. It will feel weird throughout the process especially in the beginning. The nerves have to relearn just as the muscles have to get stronger too. It takes time, but every little step help you get closer to your next goal. As always listed to your body, a little strain is muscles getting strong and doing work, sharp pain means back off and give it some rest. Don’t worry you can and will make it through. I look forward to seeing your progress and reading your comments and chuckles on how you faced your fears and overcame them.
June 11th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
I suppose it’s no consolation: I have a bit of fear now one year later, when strange twinges come to that ankle while walking - perhaps once a week. This makes me fear another rupture if the twinges would occur while dancing, my old favorite activity. If I were really moving, and couldn’t control how I put the foot down, it could twist and rupture again, I fear. While only walking, I can stop or slow down, not twist in pain. Anyway, it seems 99% are healing back to their former sporty lives, so chin up! My peeling pathetic white leg is back to full strength… I don’t remember shaking at the sight, only some dismay at my setback. Also, as a lady, massive shaving!
June 12th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Hi Swill,
Some amount of fear is good, and will prevent further injury. I think maybe I could use a bit more. However, keep in mind that doing nothing is NOT the best thing for your body, so you should be equally scared of immobilization! Extended immobilization is death for tendons and ligaments.
Here’s an example: At the hospital there was another man who got his ATR operated on the same day as me. We have been doing “group follow up sessions” with the surgeon to save time since we are on the same schedule. It’s a great way to compare since we have the same surgeon and same schedule. The other man was very scared and stayed in a wheel chair for the whole 7 weeks without really taking the boot off or bearing any weight. During the same time I was doing jumps on my bike. Sort of two extremes. I can tell you that my leg looked a LOT better than his. His was like a cylinder - super swollen at the bottom and no muscle at the top. Mine looked like a smaller version of my other calf. His leg was shaking all over the place when he took the boot off. It sort of made me scared of the boot seeing the effects of not taking it off. It’s amazing how much just a tiny bit of exercise and motion can do to limit atrophy and reduce swelling. But of course don’t do so much that you re-injure yourself.