Great news! I’ve been in two shoes for ten days now, and my longest time yet without re-rupture. My second rupture occurred at 101 days after the first, and my third rupture 104 days after the second. I have now made it 118 days and am feeling great!
However, I will admit I had gotten quite used to the lack of pain post-surgery, both from the lack of nerves in my integrating tissues as well as my limited mobility in the boot. The pain is here again, with cramping that can only be relieved by intense stretching. It’s particularly bad in the morning as I ( and most others) sleep with my feet in plantar flexion.
It is so hard not to let the fear consume me like it did before, as it is almost an immediate response to my pain threshold, which is already abnormally high when all my nerve endings are intact. I know now that more psychological injury occurred to me than I had previously identified with. I sometimes feel like an animal that has been beaten for no reason, punished for trying to live normally.
I hope and pray for all of us going through this journey and try not to blame myself for the guilt and fear that come into my life almost daily now. With a great support system of health practitioners, family, friends and a very loving boyfriend (I sometimes wonder how has he stayed with me through all of this and am relieved to have love so true), I am able to accept these feelings and almost completely release them in the same minute.
We will all be healed again one day, inside and out. I know it.