Maybe it’s just me…

November 3, 2011

I was playing in a pickup basketball game in an over 40 league.  I’m in shape, but my wife, kids and most of my friends asked why I would start such a thing.  The jokes about life insurance…hardy har har.   First night was fantastic.  I was the youngest guy and the gym was so nice and small.  A few strides and full court.  Stretching at home before and prior to the play starting in the gym.  I played and went home feeling great, not even sore! I was sweating again with no pain.  I found my “thing”!   The second week, specifically, October 7th  I went back.  Play went well.  We took a break.  When we started again, I simply took a step with my left foot, just to push off from standing and the POP heard across the gym.  I fell and like all, thought someone big crashed on my leg.   The rest is my history…the ER (never again, I’ll just splint it and go to my orthopedic), the diagnosis, the week in a splint prior to surgery, the surgery and now NWB period (going into week 4). 

Maybe it’s just me, but going on 4 weeks since surgery, this has all become “part of me”.  The cast.  The crutches.  The process to get into and out of the car.  The tub with the bench and cups of water instead of the shower head.  Rolling around the kitchen and first floor on an office chair.  I’ve just adopted it all…as what I do.  Life (that seemed so rushed) has slowed down.  Granted, I’m blessed to work from home until Thankgiving.  That eliminates my mass transit commute.  I can read now.  I still go to practices of the kids, but they bring the chair in the bag and open it for me in the gym.  My boys are mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow (freaky October storm), which were all my departments, because I thought, only I could do that work.  I’m proud of them but I also realize they need to do this…things I always did, to grow.  I simply watch for now.  Point is, life is always “so hectic” because WE MAKE IT hectic.   My mind is clear because I know this is not forever, so I’m not melting down.  I will say, I now know what I have done to make my life so fast paced to point I didn’t enjoy it, is the fact that I just raced through it.   I can slow down, engage in less and enjoy the moments as they are.   I look forward to riding a bike and going for walks as soon as I can…but what I won’t do is make appointments that are unrealistic expectations of time.  I’m learning to move with purpose.  Run less and simply experience.   Specifically, I will live as if I can only go as fast as I can with crutches…and travel at the calm pace.   I’m enjoying that part much more (ability to rest).  I’m not glad this happened, but it’s almost like you are called to take a TIME OUT.  It’s helpful.   I still want to take two steps up the staircase at a time, just because I can…someday soon.  For now, I’ll sit back and let my boys “grow” in my “absence”.   I’m blessed to have a wife that does so much, yet is willing to carry even more of my load.   I’ll rest, because I CAN…because my body needs it…and when I recover, I think I will look back and say this happened for a reason. I plan on being more “present” with my family and the people who supported me.  There are changes taking place and all related to my getting out of the fast lane and just slowing down.   I think that is very much a part of achilles rupture “recovery”…but maybe it’s just me.