I walk slowly with a slight limp.  Each step hurts.  The incision site gets swollen, warm, painful and red after a lot of walking or exercising.  I compare it to my other foot and wonder if I will ever have a matching pair.

 I am sick of wearing athletic shoes and sick of my achillotrain.  So I went to DFW (Dallas Shoe Warehouse) and bought two pairs of flats. Both have cushioned heels.  So far so good.

I am so thrilled to be able to run my own errands.  The grocery store, the mall, the pet store… I even went to the movies. Loved the “Secret Life of Bees”.   I can take a shower standing up. Whoo Hoo!  I can go up and down the steps “normally” instead of sideways.  I have good range of motion.  I can even hang my heels off the step and go down – past 90 degrees. 

But I so want to run, or to ride my bike outside.  I want to jump or to hop, or live without fear. I want to put on stocking and heels and walk normally.    Boy, am I getting greedy.  My leg and foot are still so weak. 

I go to physical therapy twice a week and have been since mid September.  I have converted my bike to a stationary bike with “Cycle Ops” and ride it daily.  I do the PT exercises while watching TV.  I wish I could just do something to speed up the recovery.  Eye of newt toe of frog…

At PT yesterday, there were 2 new ATRs.  What’s up!  Something in the water.  The therapist did tell me something I didn’t need to know - that one woman that they have treated has not recovered and it has been a year and a half since her surgery.  She said the woman’s first surgery was bungled and the second surgery was performed gratis.  Is it possible not to recover? 

At PT they are still doing the magic ionto twice a week.  Hybresis is the brand name and it really has made a difference.  It is a patch that contains a saline solution.  The patch placed over the wound and is connected to a battery that electrifies it fore 3 minutes. Then the battery is removed and I wear the patch for 2 hours.  The next morning there is less swelling.   

So that’s what week 15 looks like for me.    

The physical therapist used a patch that has a small battery and she connects it to a small gizmo that sends stinging bees through my incision site.  I then have to leave the patch on for another two hours.  In two sessions of this it has reduced all of the knots and swelling.  But the day or two after it is stiffer and more painful.  I hope this is progress. 

One of the harder things I am asked to do at PT is to balance on one foot, the bad one.  I asked the doctor if I could ride a bike.  He said yes.  I asked what about falling and catching myself on the bad foot.  He said no bike riding.  Stationary bike ok – but no standing up riding.  Swimming is ok.   Good I got permission to swim in October. 

I feel like I have accomplished so much in 11 weeks.  I can put out the garbage by myself.  I can go up the stairs, let the dogs in and out and in and out, carry my dinner to the table, go to the grocery store (whoo hoo) and sleep without the boot.   I wonder if I will make as much progress in the next 11 weeks.  It feels like progress has slowed down.  The pain and stiffness gets better during the day when I move the foot around but returns each morning after a night of inactivity.  When oh when will I be normal again. 

The movement, I believe, is really helping.  I walk with a decided limp and I am very slow and careful but I’m walking.  Never thought I’d get here.  I am grateful to this site and all the great people that have been supportive.  No one really know how extensive an injury this is unless that have had it.

Since I a rerupture and since the rerupture occurred the last time they took me out of the boot I am scared. I didn’t sleep a wink last night.   Doesn’t this seem too soon? I want to wait until 12 weeks at least. Are there bad consequences for staying in the boot too long?   I just may not be a good patient — and refuse to leave the boot.

I went to the doctor’s office today and they think it is a internal stitch that my body is treating like a splinter.  They didn’t think the cold laser had caused it.  Hmmm….  Coincidence?  Has anyone else had anything similar?

I have my first PT this week and am anxious about what they will do.  I don’t understand how to strike a balance between pushing myself far enough and not rerupturing. I used to live in the state of Texas not the state of anxiety.  I’d like to get back to my fearless self.  Back to the person who rode motorcycles,  jumped out of  planes, scuba dived, etc…  But now reaching for the stars means hoping to walk the dog.

I have two big dogs, one a well trained old guy golden retriever and the other a not so well trained great dane puppy.  The puppy will start puppy class next week.  My friend is going to go with me to dog class and actually do the training.   After I am able to walk, when will it be safe to walk him myself? Any advice on how long to wait?   Should I wait until the 6 month mark or wait a year?  I don’t want him trip me and be a three timer in the OR.  There aren’t any frequent flyer miles and no discounts.  Is there some kind of a boot that may afford some extra protection but is not the lovely moon boot that we currently know and love.

I guess I am so bored with doing nothing that going for a walk seems like the greatest thing in the world! Thanks to everyone for being there.

The last doctor visit, a week ago, he really pushed my foot into a lesser angle, closer to 90%, and re-casted. Since then it has been hurting.  Not constant but intermitten pain.  I called and he said if it impoves with rest you’re ok.  I am having a hard time with faith with doctors that don’t have “MRI” vision. “X-ray” would be useless.  I want someone with “MRI” vision.  How does he know it’s ok?  When it re-ruptured they couldn’t tell by looking at it and couldn’t tell by the Thompson test. 

I have looked to see what lessons I am supposed to be learning with this situation.   I have one brother and two grown children.   My son lives in the same city.   I haven’t heard from my brother since I told him I was injured.  My dad is dead and my mother is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s.  My son told me that I need to find a solution that doesn’t involve calling him.  He is too busy with grad school.  And I truly believe he is too busy but he could at least offer moral support.    I feel totally abandoned by family. 

 I have help that I have hired and one good friend that I know from work.  Without her help I wouldn’t be here.  So I have learned that I must readjust my expectations about family.  That I must work to create a network of friends that are my new family.  I have learned that I cannot isolate myself.  I have always been able to relay upon me to take care of me.  I have never been injured or been sick before now.  It is devasting to me to need help, ask for it and sometimes not get it.  But it is one those thing that I need to pray for the strength to accept. 

The PA removed the cast and took out the stiches.  Since this is my second surgery I could compare the two.  The first time the stiches were removed it hurt — this time much better.  I was operated on the first time by the emergency room doctor on call — this time I found a guy that specializes in ATR.  I can say in hindsight that it is a good idea to have someone with you in the ER that is clear headed enough to ask for a doctor that does this kind of surgery regularly.  I was alone and frightened, in pain and definitely not clear headed.

I like the new doc and will be in a cast for 4 more weeks — changing the cast weekly to reposition the foot.  It feels very tight and I am afraid of pushing to far to fast. 

I asked about heel pain and got the answer not to worry about it since it is infrequent.  Of course I was busy worrying that the tendon was going to detach from my heel bone.  I don’t want to be the first person to be operated on three times in a row for the same problem. 

At week 8 I was told to go FWB.  The day after I was told to be FWB - no interm PWB - I re-ruptured.  I stepped back suddenly at a loud sound coming from the microwave.  The doctor thought it was ok and asked if I wanted a MRI - uh yeah.  Well it was ruptured. The second surgery recovery hurts much more than the first.  I am home for 2 weeks and then will have to return to work.  I am in a cast that I can’t even rest on the floor.  Walking in crutches causes the blood to rush downward and it hurts like a sob.  Does anyone know when that stops?

I can’t believe that some are fortunate enough to walk after only a few weeks.  I wonder if I will ever walk again.  I am definitely not buying a lottery ticket - it would be a seriously waste of money.

My ex-sister in law has been an angel enough to come and help me for a week.  My son is too busy to help. He is graduate school.    I have hired a dog walker.  I hired a helper from Homeinstead.  Insurance doesn’t cover the help I need.  They only cover it if completely bed ridden. 

I am afraid of when they tell me to go FWB again but I also hate being on crutches.  My greatest fear is facing a third rupture and third surgery.  Has anyone had this happen? 

I am in a cast for 2 weeks- then they take it off and I guess remove stiches- then put on a new cast.  The second cast will be on for 2-4 weeks.   Then I guess it’s back to the boot. 

Since both injuries occured in the kitchen I have surrounded it with crime tape.