Unlucky enough to be one of the 2-4%

I am doing a good job of putting a happy face.  People tell me I sound good.  I also hear “You’re young you’ll be fine..”  But I am not young.  Until I can walk I an not sure that I will ever walk again. I haven’t walked in almost 3 months - due in part to the re-rupture problem.  I have no idea when I can expect to walk again. 

The last doctor visit, a week ago, he really pushed my foot into a lesser angle, closer to 90%, and re-casted. Since then it has been hurting.  Not constant but intermitten pain.  I called and he said if it impoves with rest you’re ok.  I am having a hard time with faith with doctors that don’t have “MRI” vision. “X-ray” would be useless.  I want someone with “MRI” vision.  How does he know it’s ok?  When it re-ruptured they couldn’t tell by looking at it and couldn’t tell by the Thompson test. 

I have looked to see what lessons I am supposed to be learning with this situation.   I have one brother and two grown children.   My son lives in the same city.   I haven’t heard from my brother since I told him I was injured.  My dad is dead and my mother is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s.  My son told me that I need to find a solution that doesn’t involve calling him.  He is too busy with grad school.  And I truly believe he is too busy but he could at least offer moral support.    I feel totally abandoned by family. 

 I have help that I have hired and one good friend that I know from work.  Without her help I wouldn’t be here.  So I have learned that I must readjust my expectations about family.  That I must work to create a network of friends that are my new family.  I have learned that I cannot isolate myself.  I have always been able to relay upon me to take care of me.  I have never been injured or been sick before now.  It is devasting to me to need help, ask for it and sometimes not get it.  But it is one those thing that I need to pray for the strength to accept. 

I want to thank everyone on this site for just being there —  because the moral support I have received has meant so much. 

The PA removed the cast and took out the stiches.  Since this is my second surgery I could compare the two.  The first time the stiches were removed it hurt — this time much better.  I was operated on the first time by the emergency room doctor on call — this time I found a guy that specializes in ATR.  I can say in hindsight that it is a good idea to have someone with you in the ER that is clear headed enough to ask for a doctor that does this kind of surgery regularly.  I was alone and frightened, in pain and definitely not clear headed.

I like the new doc and will be in a cast for 4 more weeks — changing the cast weekly to reposition the foot.  It feels very tight and I am afraid of pushing to far to fast. 

I asked about heel pain and got the answer not to worry about it since it is infrequent.  Of course I was busy worrying that the tendon was going to detach from my heel bone.  I don’t want to be the first person to be operated on three times in a row for the same problem. 

My first surgery was May 24 2008.  A flying piece of glass severed my achilles tendon.  I was alone and had passed out.  Woke up in a puddle of blood.  Crawled to find my cell phone.  Called my son and he took me to the emergency room. 

At week 8 I was told to go FWB.  The day after I was told to be FWB - no interm PWB - I re-ruptured.  I stepped back suddenly at a loud sound coming from the microwave.  The doctor thought it was ok and asked if I wanted a MRI - uh yeah.  Well it was ruptured. The second surgery recovery hurts much more than the first.  I am home for 2 weeks and then will have to return to work.  I am in a cast that I can’t even rest on the floor.  Walking in crutches causes the blood to rush downward and it hurts like a sob.  Does anyone know when that stops?

I can’t believe that some are fortunate enough to walk after only a few weeks.  I wonder if I will ever walk again.  I am definitely not buying a lottery ticket - it would be a seriously waste of money.

My ex-sister in law has been an angel enough to come and help me for a week.  My son is too busy to help. He is graduate school.    I have hired a dog walker.  I hired a helper from Homeinstead.  Insurance doesn’t cover the help I need.  They only cover it if completely bed ridden. 

I am afraid of when they tell me to go FWB again but I also hate being on crutches.  My greatest fear is facing a third rupture and third surgery.  Has anyone had this happen? 

I am in a cast for 2 weeks- then they take it off and I guess remove stiches- then put on a new cast.  The second cast will be on for 2-4 weeks.   Then I guess it’s back to the boot. 

Since both injuries occured in the kitchen I have surrounded it with crime tape.