Brianj’s AchillesBlog

a lazy new years day brought me back to the achilles blog for the first time in a month+, and i forgot just how much i missed this!  though i was never much for posting - it was the comments here early on that always made me feel better.  helped me realize i wasnt the only person going thru this.  gave me something to look forward to.  even a little nostalgia from time to time reading someone’s state of mind at week x when i was at week x+2…

reading today brought every one of those feelings back….and a realization that i need to check in more!

at a little more than 3 months i’m pretty much physically where i anticipated from docs wisdom.  i went to 2 shoes just after turkey-day, and oh the joy!!!  [dramatic pause]  for a while…  i was so focused on that milestone from day 1, i didnt prepare myself for the painfully slow progress still ahead.  sure, i could drive again [well, right footed - did cheat those last few weeks of boot-dom driving lefty on side streets to run errands], and was free from the boot hassles [on/off, destroying clothes to fit, drying w/ hairdryer after rain walk from bus] - but the return to ‘my life’ didnt happen.  still limped like quasimoto.  still felt insecure [even more so than with boot] and fragile outside the home.  still was isolated socially ['oh you're going hiking - have fun without me', 'it sure is amazing that you golfed for the 2nd time this december [a**hole]‘, ’surprisingly no, i dont feel cool with this cane [jerk]‘]… and obviously a bit bitter!

eventually, a little light shone thru and the state of mind is much healthier, and have come to terms with finding new milestones [more like inch-stones].  still get frustrated from time to time  that my ‘normal life’ is far-away, and that i dont always get noticably stronger each day in pt excercises - but when i look at big picture, i do see see the progress.

anyway, back to my original purpose here. just wanted to thank everyone for posting, and reminding me of the pick-me-up this place can be.  i never imagined the mental process would be as hard as [if not harder than] the physical in this recovery.

i really do wish i never heard of any of you [for all our sakes!!!] - but since fate laughed that wish off - i can only wish each and every achilles plagued soul here a much deserved healing, healthy and happy 2012!!!

..post surgery, and for the first time actually feeling down about this whole experience.  For the most part Ive stayed pretty positive - absence of any nominal pain post surgery, seasons 1 & 2 of ‘the wire’ keeping me entertained, and even the maddening stir-crazyness lying around with foot elevated somehow made me feel OK in that soon i would be up and doing things…

Well now Im more mobile [comparably - but in reality, not at all], but the questions are starting to creep in - how long will I need to deal with these crutches?  How long before i can carry a simple cup from kitchen to couch?  How long before I can actually make dinner solo?  I’ve had gret care from family and friends, but I live alone and am fiercely independent…Its been sort of a treat to be waited on - but Im done with that - want my independence back!

First follow up is Thursday - so hopefully boot starts then - but reading all these posts, Ive come to the realization that the crutches are still my legs for awhile.

Anyway, didnt want first post to be so whiny, but there it is…Its where Im at today.  Hopefully I can add some inspiration and levity to others down the line, but for now, guess Im looking for some of that myself.

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