One Year Out and I want to RUN!

Hey there,

Well, I can’t believe it has been over a year since the rupture.  My whole life has changed, much for the better.  I can do almost everything that I used to do, but running is still really tough.  I used to run 5 days a week, now I can run maybe MAYBE one.  Are there any runners out there who know how to get my run back? I’m in the NYC area so if there are any ANY recommendations for trainers etc that would be awesome.  I did the PT and of course it was amazing and I couldn’t have done it without the therapists, but I’m looking for something more geared to athletes… Good luck to all those out there, it is a long long road, but you will get there.

Stairs! (one at a time…)

Greetings Blog Devotees!

I had a nice little wake up call the other day.  I came back from my first session of PT, and I felt pretty discouraged.  I was hoping to get on the bike, or in the pool, or sweat, or something!! It was boring, painful, and the PT seemed even more conservative than my surgeon.  I strolled in thinking I was going to be given the ok for some new and exciting level of athleticism.  The progress, however, was more subtle than that, unnoticeable to my eager eye at first.  I spent the evening with my dear Mama, and was seriously moping about the ridiculous looking boot, and my exaggerated limp, in general, bemoaning my fate as if it really were a Greek tragedy.  Luckily, Mom is one tough nut.  She barked at me to liven up! Be positive! Remember the great progress I was making (Cast off! One crutch! PWB!)! And ya know what? It took me a day to realize it, but she was right! (Duh, she’s always right, as I’m so often reminded!) I have to stop glaring at people on the street whilst they stroll around easily on two even-tempoed feet! I have to slow down, calm down, and remember how far I’ve come! I’ve got to enjoy even the smallest steps on this long and inconvenient BUT NOT TRAGIC ATR road! So the next morning at PT, when they strapped that ice bag to my weirdly stiff and skinny ankle, I closed my eyes and visualized myself, running, up a hill.  I visualized a great big strong calf muscle, a slender foot in a sparkly Manolo, well-pedicured feet racing across a white sandy beach and into the ocean… Ok, so I’m not there yet, but I’m on my way! Mantra: Getting better! Getting better! Getting better!

Yesterday, I ditched the crutches altogether.  Slowly, and sometimes a little sore, but one foot actually in front of the other.  (Hardest part now is finding shoes with appropriate heels so that the boot doesn’t make me lopsided). Today, I’m so pleased to report, I actually avoided taking the elevator at school! Yipee! I climbed up the stairs, and then after class, I climbed down the stairs! Down was trickier than up, but I made it (holding on to the railing) down FOUR flights! Nice one! So happy to see my classmates cheering me on! So, when another student flew by me, two feet clippety clopping, ponytail flying in her wake, purse lazily slung across one shoulder, did I glare? No! I was in a dizzy euphoria of sweet stair climbing glory! Too preoccupied by my momentary success to feel anything but love and adoration for my own well-healing heel.  Achilles was a warrior after all.

Getting used to the boot?

I’ve been in the boot about four days now, the first two days I was too nervous to put anything but slight pressure on the foot.  I was just kissing the ground.  Then yesterday I felt awesome, and was really putting some pressure on it, still with the crutches, but feeling strong in my limp.  Today feels very sore and stiff, and I’m wondering if it’s normal to feel pain after using it so much? Of course it’s normal, right? The pain is alleviated with elevation and ice, but I feel like my ability to bear weight and ROM is less today than yesterday.  Should I expect these ups and downs? I know I’m being a little paranoid here, but will I know if something is “wrong”?  Before the ATR I always basically ignored pain (took me two days after the pop before I called a doctor).  Now I’m trying to pay attention without freaking out, but am slightly freaking out. Any advice?

PWB Yeeeeehaaaaawwwwww

The cast is OFF! Oh thank goodness. Besides being hairy, it looks pretty good! The doctor said everything looks fantastic, the scar is looking great and my range of motion is exactly where it should be (wherever that is!) The atrophy isn’t as bad as I thought it would be and it sure feels good to have my foot be free! Of course, now I’ve got to deal with this silly little boot, but progress, people, progress! Really exciting.  The whole thing feels pretty stiff and weird.  No pain, but I can only point and flex a little bit, and more than uncomfortable, it feels impossible to go more than a little bit in either direction.  Kinda feels like when you roll your ankle real bad, but unlike that, I know this kind of stiffness won’t go away right away.  Oh well, hard to feel bummed out about the road ahead when I can actually see my beautiful skinny hairy leg! Yippee!

Here’s some delightful photos for all of you who won’t get to see the skinny-hairy in all it’s glory and infinite wisdom!

Less than a week in the cast!

I called my doctor’s office yesterday to try to talk them into taking the cast off this week.  I don’t know if my negotiation skills have atrophied along with my calf, but they weren’t biting.  This is either a good sign for the receptionist at the doctor’s office, or a bad sign as far as my legal education is concerned.  Sigh.  I feel like I’m just holding my breath until Tuesday!! My cast is super loose now, I can move my foot around quite a bit.  Good idea? Bad idea? Not sure.  I can also tighten my calf muscle, it feels weird and I really have to concentrate to do it, is that what P/T will be like? Oh patience has never been a virtue of mine, I wonder if it will be by the end of this! On the upside, now that it’s cold out, I bought a bunch of different colored tube socks to roll over the cast.  Very exciting.  The Manolos are getting dusty… I can’t believe I’m feigning excitement about tube socks.  Sheesh.

1 Month Post-Op

Well, it’s been a month since surgery, and I am SO ready for this cast to come off.  I keep having dreams that I’m walking!! Then I wake up kind of terrified that I just put weight on my left leg, then I realize, no, sadly, I can’t walk.  It was just a dream.  Then I open my eyes, and there to greet me are my two new best friends, crutch-1 and crutch-2.  Oh you guys!

The cast is supposed to come off in a little under 2 weeks now, and I’m anxious to start PT and get back on the move! This time of year in NYC the weather is PERFECT for long slow runs (so sad!) and really adorable leather jackets, and jeans and heels… Cold enough for closed-toe, but warm enough so that your ankles don’t get cold.  Needless to say, my outfit ability is limited by the goof-factor of the sticks.  Vanity.  One of the privileges that ruptures with the tendon.  Oh well!

I’m hoping to be able to get back in the pool as soon as the cast comes off so I can do some non-crutch cardio.  Has anyone had success with this? I was reading an article a few weeks ago that mentioned “pool running” for long distance runners who need to train while they recover from NWB injuries… I’m not a marathoner by any means, but I thought it sounded like a good way to stay in running shape.  I’m hoping that I’ll be able to crutch to the pool’s edge… Maybe the Y has some handicapped services that’ll help out? Mostly feeling excited and anxious, hoping that the improvement skyrockets once the you know what is off! Oh, to scratch my shin…  Trying so hard to remain patient.  Have considered getting the cast wet just so they have to take it off. Not really going to, but did think about it.  I hate surprises! I want to at least peak and see what’s going on under that fiberglass! It’s like the worst Christmas present ever.

Feeling the Long-Haul

Ahh, fellow ATR warriors, it has been quite a few days.  A week even.  This week was a tough week.  Even though I escaped my mild fall unscathed, this whole business has taken a toll on my psyche.  Things got kind of gruff and gruesome there this weekend.  I really settled myself back into my routine at school and life alone in my apartment, and everything just felt incredibly difficult.  The silliest things took so much time and energy.  As I was trying my best to stick to my “normal” routine, I couldn’t help but feel how not-normal the situation really had become!  Cup of tea in bed? Nearly impossible. Skinny jeans? Forget it.  Blow-drying my hair? Not worth it.  Taking a walk on Saturday? Exhausting!  The list goes on! People grabbing cabs before I can get to them, asking strangers to open the door, hold the elevator, stairs! Suffice to say, frustration has been my dominant emotion.  I know it’s only temporary, thank dios, but honestly, it isn’t really getting any easier! It’s particularly annoying that the better I feel physically, the more poignant my limits become.

I’m feeling less depressed about the whole thing this week, thanks to the return of Mom, for which I’m immensely grateful.  And my sister is having a tonsilectomy this weekend, and the role reversal will be interesting, maybe even a relief.  I feel worse for her than I do for me! But Mom, otherwise known as the best nurse in the world, will be there with us, thank goodness.

No harm done

After freaking out for a good 24 hours, I went in to see the doctor, who graciously sawed off the cast to reveal nothing short of an intact Achilles.  Phew.  Funny, as soon as he said I was fine, it stopped hurting! Think I need to calm down a little?! The chic urban black cast is unfortunately long gone.  They ran out of the black wrapping, and so I’m back in standard off-white.  I think this will require a new pedicure to match!  The white is not as fun, but I think that it’s better than the black.  It looks so serious, and the black looked kinda fun.  Maybe the serious white cast will slow my ass down even more, which apparently I need to do.

My mom is gone, my sister’s gone, my visiting friend is gone, so tonight is my first night back alone in my apartment since the surgery.  I’m so glad I went and got checked out today by the doc so I know everything is on target and doing well.  Otherwise, I’m hoping I can do this without constant help! A friend took me grocery shopping today, and it’s a light week at school, so I think the rest of the week should be smooth, and hopefully a good transition back into a little bit of independence.

Oh NO!

I just tripped and fell.  My heel is KILLING me! I just called the doc, and he told me to calm down and wait and see if it got better. He said it’s pretty rare to do any damage once you’re in the hard cast… Has anyone had a non-damaging fall?? OH, I’m FREAKING.

Approaching 2 Weeks

Tomorrow marks the two week mark from my injury.  Boy. I still can’t believe how zapped my energy feels! I had a trainer come over yesterday to do some pilates, and it was so great to finally have a long sweaty work out, NWB of course! It just felt good to move my muscles around and stretch.  I even feel sore today, which is kind of nice.  After that work out, I had to sit for pretty much the rest of the day.  My calf and foot feel super claustrophobic in the cast, restless and tired, but the pain/discomfort of new position is fading.  The weirdest part of all this is that I’m feeling so much better than I did last weekend, but am just so drained after doing almost anything.  I can’t stand feeling like that. :(  I guess I just need to not get ahead of myself and slow WAY down.  Frustrating, yes.  I’m trying to find the lesson in it though! Patience has never been one of my virtues, maybe it will be now.

In other news, I’ve moved out of my mom’s apartment and back into my own, and I’ve never been happier that it’s so small, and so easy to clean!